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THE EPIPHANY OF STEP 5

LVPicker

The key to Step 5 is to have an epiphany, a so called "Eureka Effect". This phenomenon occurs in the process of problem solving. It's where a previously unsolvable puzzle becomes suddenly clear and obvious. It consists of two phases, the first phase is where the Narcissist is at an impasse, they don't see any solution, the second phase is where the solution suddenly and unexpectedly appears. In Step 4 the Narcissist was fixated on the inappropriate aspects of the problem, I'm the victim, it was their fault. In order to dispel this fixation we have got to get the Narcissist to think outside the box. This is where a Sponsor comes in.

By having the Narcissist share their Step 4 with a Sponsor, someone they trust, it provides them with the opportunity of looking at these resentments from a different perspective. It's remarkably therapeutic to be truly listened to. It's key in this Step to have an empathic Sponsor who pays attention, notes keywords and phrases and is able to share their similar experience, strength and hope. This ability to feel and understand what the Narcissist is feeling is fundamental to this Step. This empathic approach dissolves the boundaries between two people and is a force against selfishness and indifference. As the walls of selfishness come down the Narcissist is able to see the truth. That holding on to the victim mentality has only been keeping him from seeing the uncomfortable and sometimes terrifying reality. 

The Eureka Effect is that for the first time the Narcissist sees that he has been the root cause of all his resentments. That in every case he has been the producer and director of this play called his life. Understanding and making this one distinction is a per-requisite if mature mental health is to be restored. With this Step we see what created the resentments, with the exception of the Gift of Desperation, that brought the Narcissist to a 12-Step program in the first place, this experience, of transmutation from victim to instigator is a miracle. It is an overwhelming experience, when one, who has for so very long  devalued himself as a victim, is granted this divine revelation. The Narcissist starts to see himself for the very first time.

"We will be amazed before we are half way through" is so true as we leave Step5. To realize, that it was because of choices we had made that created all our resentments, we are ready to start looking at the belief systems behind these choices. As we go fearlessly into Step 6 we start to see our Narcissism start to diminish, we start to see how our self centerdness and sense of self importance had affected our choices in almost every instance. For some they start to get the first inkling that it's fear that is underneath the anger, the irritability and discontent. I can't stress enough how important it is that blaming others be dropped at this point.