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THE GIFT OF DESPERATION

LVPicker

Some of the comments I've received, about my blog, on the root cause of ALCOHOLISM being NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER , has made me think. The reason a person will not seek help for NPD is that they are totally unaware that they have it. They are incapable of observing there own behavior. Part of the disease is a complete aversion to feeling quilt or shame. Admitting it to another person, much less a stranger, would be to big of a NARCISSISTIC injury to bear. There are "high functioning narcissists" who seek treatment on their own, but very few. In most cases the narcissist, is unlikely to have the self awareness, to realize that their emotions and behaviors are causing the problems in their lives. The illness, externalizes all blame, on to other people in their lives, this is a major component of the disease.

In 12 STEP programs you often hear the term "gift of desperation", and it takes a while for an addict to understand this term. In essence it's a gift, that the symptoms of their disease, start causing so many problems in their lives, that they look for assistance to get the habit under control. It's only after a period of abstinence, allowing the static to quite in their minds, that they may be willing to find a sponsor, and even begin to, consider, actually doing the 12 STEPS. Having a sponsor, who is able to walk, a person through Step 1 is crucial. It is the only Step, that everyone agrees, must be done perfectly. And by perfectly I mean that not only must they admit powerlessness over their drug of choice, but they must admit to themselves, and to their sponsor, that their lives have become unmanageable. This is a key point, that I talked about in a previous blog post. The point has to be made here that there life is actually their thinking, like I've said before, I think the way the Step is written, does new people a dis-service, and a lot of sponsors get caught in the weeds, trying to explain, to a high bottom addict, that their life is unmanageable. Especially when they live in a $300,000 house, have two cars, and a wife and kids. It's not the life that is unmanageable(at least at this point), it's the thinking behind the life, and eventually that life will come down to the level of that thinking. It's in STEP 1 that a sponsor is able to show, how the addiction, is only a symptom of the thinking.

The Gift of Desperation, is that the addict comes in the 12 STEP program, seeking help with an addiction (they will not come in for poor thinking), only to learn that it's a symptom to deep and troubling thinking patterns, caused by dis-empowering belief systems, they are not even aware they have. The way STEP 1 is worded, and the inability of some sponsors to make this connection, causes a lot of new people needless confusion. Not really being able to grasp STEP 1, is a fundamental problem, and a reason so many people drop out here, or worse yet, go forward into STEP 2 confused.

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