It's obvious that parents need to devise clear simple rules for their children in order to limit chaos but to understand everything about successfully rearing a child is a big order. We need to be especially aware of BELIEF SYSTEMS . How they are formed and how they are reinforced through out a lifetime. We often don't understand the power of our actions and words in formation of beliefs in our children. We must be careful that we don't ask or expect our children to do the impossible. Often parents expectations are unrealistically high especially for first born. Through our own ignorance we sometimes disapprove of our children or get angry with them for doing something they didn't know they weren't supposed to do, (like punishing a dog for not being a cat). This wounds the child and they develop quilt and even shame.
As a child's world expands they find more and more beliefs they need to know and follow. This reduces chaos and removes uncertainty . Establishing beliefs in our children is a sign that we care. What we need to be aware of is that not all beliefs are helpful especially if they become inflexible or more important then the child it's meant to serve. Rigidity can set in and people get wounded. When we judge, shame or reject our children for not following our beliefs we unwittingly promote the development of NARCISSISM. This is especially true when following the belief becomes more important then the child. Some common examples are . Children should be seen but not heard. Keep your feelings to yourself. Boys who cry are sissies.
Another thing we need to be aware of, are our actions that insinuate a belief, some examples are. Complaining works to get your way. Lying is OK in order not to hurt someone. Blame others when things don't go right. These actions separately or together work to form a belief system that runs counter to nature. Once embedded, in the HABITUAL MIND, it naturally starts to look for and find patterns, that support these beliefs, and then infuses those patterns with meaning. Our mind connects these ancillary beliefs, of our world, that form even more meaningful patterns, that explain why things happen, and these patterns become fundamental beliefs. Once beliefs are formed the brain begins to look for and find confirmatory evidence in support of those beliefs, which accelerates the process of reinforcing them, and round and round the process goes in a positive-feedback loop of belief confirmation.
It's impossible not to develop some dis-empowering beliefs as we grow up. To a certain extent everyone has certain forms of Early Narcissism (EN). It's when these dis-empowering ancillary beliefs are allowed to grow and become fundamental beliefs that you move from EN into Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and it's at this point that a constant feelings of irritability and discontent start to emerge. This process and the time it takes, is different for every individual, once these feelings start getting bad enough, the individual may happen upon or might search for a way to relieve this suffering The easiest way most people find to medicate themselves is through alcohol.
So starts a vicious cycle, the beliefs continue to manifest an unhappy life, the drinking to medicate continues to progress and depending upon the abuse of the medication (alcohol) an individual can soon find themselves, developing an allergy to the medication, that has served them so long. This allergy is known as ALCOHOLISM and it also is progressive. At this point on the scale a person can still find recovery for both conditions the alcoholism and the NPD. If left untreated the physical addiction will eventually kill the individual or the NPD will progress into Malignant Narcissism, a condition worse then death, for which there is no cure.