You must focus on yourself rather than the narcissist. This is where true change happens. You cannot hope to change him/her but you can change yourself. This means refusing to tolerate abuse on any level and taking control of your experiences.
As the Narcissist becomes more and more malignant, most victims will find themselves leaving, eventually, if they haven't been convinced by the Narcissist that they are the problem. they will finally realize they cannot change the person they are with. They are worn down, lost, feeling used, depleted and in the deepest pain they have ever felt. They have nothing left to give.
Often times the victims are so needy, fragile and sensitive that they are themselves displaying some narcissistic behavior. This is a family disease and affects everyone involved in varying degrees, nobody is immune to the toxic environment in which the Narcissist thrives. As the disease develops and gets reinforced through the enabling behaviors of all the family members, the manipulation can turn sadistic and mean, as the Narcissist has to ratchet up the abuse to maintain the illusion.
So the question many have is “How do I know I am not the narcissist?” If you have to ask the question than it is highly unlikely that you are a narcissist because narcissistic personalities don’t think the problem is with them. They are totally unconscious of being trapped in a prison of their own making.
Victims of abuse often feel the problem is with them and this is re-enforced on a regular basis by the abuser. Again master manipulators and liars with no empathy and no morals.
The reason victims, often feel that they are the ones with the problem, is because they seem to be suffering a whole lot more, they seem to be obsessed, weak, insecure, needy, fragile, sensitive and observing behavior in ourselves that we don’t like. Meanwhile the narcissist presents as strong, calm and confident. Next to the narcissists confident exterior, we might feel our light is pretty dim, in fact, in may cases we feel our light has been stuffed out altogether.
Not to say that victims of narcissistic abuse don’t have a problem. If you are a victim of consistent abuse then you do have a problem. The problem is you continue to allow yourself to be abused and the question would be why? This is where you need to get help for yourself. Find out why you are allowing it, why you are giving him your power and your energy.
The more you can take your focus off the narcissist and put it on yourself the better you will be. The more you focus on trying to cure the narcissist the more trouble you will find yourself in.
There are people who claim to have cured the narcissism in their relationships and I feel in some cases, it is entirely possible. Nearly anything is possible. But change begins from within and if you are a victim it is time to stop being a victim and start being a victor. Start finding ways to empower yourself, stop allowing the abuse, get help, get your power back!